a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We left an ass print on the piano.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
