i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
