Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I want her autograph on my taint
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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