I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
