I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Randomize
