he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
