Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
