I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
