fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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