We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
