Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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