So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
splinters make it hard to masturbate
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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