HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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