your thong is hanging out like whoa
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just pee around me
My breasts were aching with rage.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
