I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
do nipples grow back?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
