He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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