I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
