I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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