matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
stop calling my apartment porn island.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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