i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
