i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
