Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
