yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
