Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
