Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The uberlube is also flammable
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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