she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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