don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
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