you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
