I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
