college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
