I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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