wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
