Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
