Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Everything about him screamed your future.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
