if you like me you must not know who I am
we made out on top of his cat.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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