We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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