you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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