It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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