I could have mohawked her pubes.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
