This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
