It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
