I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
