mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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