I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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