we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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