Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
