he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
you never un-have a 4some
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
