Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Randomize
