you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
