I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
PS: I just woke up from my shower
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Two words: blizzard sex
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
