Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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