he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You pole danced in your parka.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
sex in a hospital.. check
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
