I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
