Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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