I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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